(9) Kristi Noem v. (8) Janet Reno
What to watch for: Rep. Kristi Noem is fresh off of an impressive win over a popular incumbent in South Dakota. Janet Reno is, well, Janet Reno. As a Dakota girl, Noem has undoubtedly wrangled her share of cattle, but nothing could have prepared her for the Former Attoney General’s 6’1’’ frame and her raging fists of fury. You didn’t think basketball players throw punches? Well then you’ve never seen Janet Reno play. Conspiracy theorists have suggested that none other than top-seeded Hillary Rodham Clinton actually directed the siege at Waco but Reno was forced to take the fall when things got messy. Word has it Reno still smells blood and wants a piece of the Secretary of State in the second round.
Who will win: Former Attorney General Janet Reno.
(16) Rosalynn Carter v. (1) Hillary Rodham Clinton
What to watch for: On the surface, these two women have a great deal in common. Both served as the First Lady in a sleepy Southern state before moving on up to the swankier digs at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., both are known for their delicious cookie recipes, and both of them dutifully stood by their husbands as they lusted after other women. In reality, these women have nothing in common but good old-fashioned hate for the other. Anonymous members of Washington society recall Mrs. Carter approaching Clinton at a 1994 fundraiser. Carter referred to the then-First Lady as “frigid,” “power hungry,” and “not a very nice dresser, at all.” Hillary’s response: A glass of Johnnie Walker thrown in Rosalynn’s face.*
Who will win: Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton.
(14) Jennifer Granholm v. (3) Michelle Obama
What to watch for: The current First Lady has devoted her time and energy to raising awareness of the nation’s childhood obesity epidemic, an admirable goal. Former Governor Jennifer Granholm spent eight years at the helm of Michigan, one of the nation’s fattest states. While Granholm delivered her rotund Midwestern voters en masse for President Obama (he won the state by 16.5 points), the relationship has since soured. As speculation swirls regarding the President’s nationality, Canadian-born Granholm feels she has been overlooked for a number of high-profile appointments as the administration strains to prove its allegiance to the flag.
Who will win: First Lady Michelle Obama.
Other Friday Games in the East
(15) Jane Harman v. (2) Jan Brewer
(11) Christine Gregoire v. (6) Kelly Ayotte
(10) Elizabeth Dole v. (7) Susana Martinez
* Events occurred exactly as described with the exception of the date, location, and parties involved. No, Eleanor, I still haven’t gotten over this.
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